Fall From Lies
by Manifestation of Anger
Summary: Because "Truth" is overrated and irrelevant. Cay has just moved to South Park, leaving behind everything she used to know. Now, she is thrust into a game of humans,elves, and the overused Nazi Zombies. One will triumph, but who will it be in the end? Read, as our heroine battles for her life, and new love. They're all older now, about college. Rekindle old memories with them.
1. The Introduction

** Wow. I hope you're happy Emiri. This is for you.**

** My first time writing for this site, please feel free to leave a review, telling me how to do better. I don't know much about South Park; this was only for a friend really. I hope you're not too disappointed. Of course, this is based on her all-time favorite game: South Park The Stick of Truth.  
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><p>" Well, I think that's everything. Thanks for the help," a man told the workers of the MOOVIT truck. They shook hands, and the workers drove off, out of their new driveway.<p>

His wife returned from the kitchen and the two embraced tightly, tears of relief in their eyes.

" We did it hun! We're really moved in!" she exclaimed, fitting her hands tighter in her husbands shirt.

They let go, and the woman had her shaking hands wipe away the tears on their faces.

" It's a new beginning for us all. Things will finally be good," he agreed. His short curly hair stuck to his forehead, and he moved it away with calloused hands. There were red lines from where the edge of cardboard boxes dug into his palms.

The woman looked at her husband in suspicion.

"Do you really think that this will be better for… her?" she asked.

The man nodded. " They won't look for her here. It's safe. The only thing we need to do is make sure she doesn't attract any attention."

The happily married couple walked up the steps to their daughter's room. A wooden sign was hung close to the top, reading 'Cathryn'

They opened the door to see her setting up some decorations on her walls and hanging clothes in her closet. Hearing the door open distracted her from her tasks.

Cathryn, or Cay, as she liked to be called, whipped her head around to face her parents. Her top layer of her long dark brown hair was dyed blue; her mixed color bangs covering most of her right eye, but it was all tucked into a baseball cap at the moment. Full lips smiled at the parents, and her warm, brown, almond eyes shone.

" What's up?" Cay asked. Her parents looked at each other in worry.

" How do you like your new room, sweetie?" her mom asked.

Cay shrugged her shoulders, looking around the mostly bare green walls. She had hung a couple posters of her favorite bands, a clock, and a little hanger filled with stuffed animals. A set of drawers was placed next to curtained windows, and filled with tomboyish clothing.

The closet was stacked with cardboard boxes, and those were the only noticeable things in the room.

Oh, and the giant piranha in a bowl on the dresser, but who would care about him?

" It's okay. Not done with all my stuff yet," she replied.

" I know this is a big, unexpected change, but… Do you… remember…why we moved to a remote little mountain town?" Cay's dad asked.

The girl raised her eyebrow, wondering about her father's question. She was even more intrigued when they started mumbling about how she doesn't remember, and how good that was.

" Sweetie, we want you to have a lot of fun here," her mother said. "There's some money for you on the kitchen counter. Why don't you explore the town?"

" Yeah. Go play… like normal kids."

Cay brushed past her parents, straight to the money, and then explored her new house. There were three bedrooms, two bathrooms (one in her room!), an attic, and a living room. But as soon as she touched the knob of the basement, the sound of her dad's stomping became much more prominent.

" That wasn't a request, it was a DEMAND. Now go outside and make some friends!"

Cay was practically dragged out the door, and thrown onto the snowy ground. The bottom of her jeans was shocked cold, and she gave a little squeak in discomfort. She rose to her feet, combat boots now wet with frozen slushy water. Brushing off lingering snow on her hooded jacket and cap, she pounded on the door in anger.

" DAD! What the fuck, Asshole? Let me in and get my shit, you son of a bitch!" she screamed. She kicked the door when her father opened the door.

" Go be a kid, for God's sake! A normal, social one!". He closed the door on her again, grumbling. She flipped him the bird as soon as the door was closed, muttering under her breath. She roamed the streets, looking at stores, the people, and the strange abundance of homeless people. Her shoulders sagged, and she sighed, lowering her head. Suddenly, she heard a bunch of screaming and laughing, but it didn't sound to be in a sort of good humor.

' More like bullying,' Cay thought, gritting her teeth. Nothing irked her more than bullies. She had seen it firsthand, and did not approve.

A few girls who looked slightly older surrounded a girl about her age, and they were throwing a doll above her head; it was looking like Monkey In The Middle. They jeered at the blonde girl, talking and laughing to each other.

" Give it back! That's my Justin Bieber doll!"

" Why don't you make us?"

"If we have it, it must not be yours anymore," the girl with scraggly black hair said.

' That it probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard.'

" Hey. Give her back the doll, fucking whores," Cay yelled. The bully girls whipped their faces towards her, and she made retching noises.

All of them were ugly as shit. Acne covered their pushed in faces, all over their too big noses, and above badly chapped lips.

They sneered at the younger, forgetting all about the blonde, throwing the doll over towards a pile of snow. They girl shrieked and ran after it.

" What're you gonna do about it, little bitch?" the girl with a red cap asked, in a failing menacing way. The other two cracked their knuckles, and crossed their arms over their chest.

" Oh, bite me."

Red Cap shouted in fury and charged at Cay, fists out in front of her. Cay smirked, waiting until she got just close enough, and dodged out of the way. The other stumbled, and tripped, falling on her face. Cay was pretty sure that a few of the larger pimples had popped, leaving little red blots of blood on her scraped face.

" Oh that's disgusting. Has anyone ever told you that you are likely the most acne ridden whore in the universe?" Cay taunted.

Red screamed incoherent words, and charged again. Cay rushed to meet her this time, and swung her feet underneath the other girl, tripping her again. She heard a satisfying snap of a nose breaking, and a smile crept its way onto her face. She calmly walked over to the crying girl, and promptly kicked her in the stomach for good measure. Cap scrambled away, running to save the rest of her dignity.

The other two seemed a bit scared, but one of the duo was obviously dumber and less concerned about her abominable face.

"Let me try! Imma fuck you up so bad," she started, but Cay was already sprinting towards her.

A well-aimed punch to the gut shut her right up. Blood spurt from her mouth like a school water fountain. She fell to the ground, moaning in pain. Cay pulled the girl by her oily hair, and spat in her face. She weakly wiggled to get away, and the blue haired girl dropped her on the concrete, a mix of tears and blood splattering onto the ground as she crawled away.

The last girl had enough sense to try to run away. She was quite fast, but Cay decided to catch up to her and tackle her to the ground and give warning.

" If I ever see you and your two friends fucking around like that again, I'll do more than what I did today," she threatened.

Gray sweater girl shook in fear, nodding. She left as soon as the scary girl got off of her. She soon could not be seen.

'Cowardly bitch,' Cay thought.

She walked back to the blonde girl, who was still looking for the doll. She crouched next to her, startling her a bit, but she soon smiled as her helper held the doll out to her.

" Ohh, I hope it's not broken," she whispered, pulling on the string. She let out a breath of relief when the doll blared the most annoying song, and vibrated, jerking it's legs. She turned to the girl who saved her precious figurine.

" Thanks a lot for helping me get Justin back. I don't know who you are, so I guess you're that New Kid? Nice to meet you. My name is Annie. What's your name?" Annie asked.

She smiled. " My name is Cathryn, but call me Cay. No problem with the help, by the way. I hate those type of people the most."

"Hey, we haven't had a someone move here in a while. Since you're a girl, would you like to meet my friends? I can take you there if you wish."

Cay shrugged. "Why not."

Annie approached her with a purple scarf, and tied it over Cay's eyes.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

" Sorry, but only a choice selection of girls are allowed to know where the secret base is. We'll be there soon, trust me."

Grumbling under her breath, Cay allowed Annie to push her through the streets of the chilly town of South Park. Of course, being blindfolded, she didn't notice a guy with a hat staring right at her.

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><p>" My lord! Twitter has told of sightings of the New Kid! He was last seen with Annie Knitts!"<p>

" Ah, y-you mean a carrier raven was sent!" a boy in a green ushanka said to his friend. The other, wearing a blue helmet, nodded his head.

" Yeah, carrier ravens. Anyways, word says they're heading for the park."

The second boy groaned, pinching his nose. He looked up, to tell his right-hand man to send someone to intercept the two.

" We will have the New Kid on our side. He's essential to our plan to have the Stick forever!"

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><p>" My King! My King! Twitter has told of the New Kid's arrival to South Park! The last someone saw of him, he was being taken to the girls!"<p>

The Wizard King sighed in his throne. He ate the handful of Cheesy Poofs left in the bag with vigor. He licked his fingers, leaving none of the artificial cheese powder on his fingertips.

" Send for someone to intercept him. Go, Butters. Bring my new warrior here, to be recruited!"

" Yes, my King!"

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><p>'It's cold,' I thought to myself, as the blonde girl behind me pushed my body forward, gripping my jackets, pulling it taunt so it pressed hard against my arms.<p>

"And… We're here! I'll take the blindfold off," Annie told me.

My eyes were blinded by the overdose of pink sparkles and purple glitter. Posters of good-looking famous hipster dudes were hung all over. I vaguely recognized a few, a young Zac Efron, possibly that guy from The Fault In Our Stars, and of course, in a stereotypical girl's paradise, Justin Bieber. Stickers of unicorns and rainbows stuck to the walls, and chests full of magazines and

I saw three girls up near the front of the room, one much higher than the other two. She wore a pink beret, a purple jacket with a light blue trim, gloves, and loud yellow pants. Her hair was long and straight, black, uneven bangs framing her face.

" The 512th meeting of the girls is hereby called into order. Sparkle, sparkle."

"Sunshine!"

They were all so in sync; I almost threw up a little. They were so… typically… Girly.

The girl southeast to the head girl, I presumed, said, "Sunshine, sparkle, Annie Knitts now has the floor."

' Oh dear god, was have I fucking done?' I asked myself silently. Where's the wall to bang your head on when you need it?

" If it pleases and sparkles, I brought the New Kid here to see if she wants to be our friend."

Murmurs washed around the room, some comments ringing in my ears about my clothes and hair.

"Like, OMG, are those real?"

" She has such amazing curves. Why not flaunt them around?"

" Maybe her boobs are bigger than Bebe's. That's why she's hiding it."

I felt uncomfortable with all the attention on me. I wear these because I can, happy?

The girls all introduced themselves, and my head was swimming in names.

Wendy, the girl at the front, calmed them all down.

" The chair acknowledges Annie's request, and has agreed to allow Cay to be the newest member of the girls. Oh, and just so you know, I'm the leader."

I nodded, signifying that I was sorta paying attention.  
>"Look, in all honesty, I'm not into this stuff. I'd really appreciate if you didn't call on me unless it's something kinda important."<p>

A few girls looked a little downcast, and I felt a bit bad for brushing them off like that.

"Oh, that's too bad. But can you do me a favor?"

I felt a smile on my face as soon as I realized they weren't mad.

"Sure. What is it?" I asked.

" Could you give us your number? That way, if we ever need your help, it's convenient."

I wrote my number on a white board, and they all passed it around, so I would repeat myself fifty times.

With a wave, I left the room. I found out that the secret base was the girl's restroom in the park.

'Because why not?' I thought with a chuckle.

The sound of bickering, slapping, and stomping became obvious as I walked along. Near the little kid's jungle gym shaped like a pirate ship, two guys around my age.

One was my height, with short, wispy blond hair. He wore a golden band around his forehead, navy blue shoulder pads, a light blue tunic thingy, a cape, and yellow gloves. He was fighting with another guy who wore a blue helmet with a red plume that covered his hair, a brown shirt, pants, and a long, green cape. He was slightly taller than the first boy and me.

" No way dude! He's going with me! Otherwise, Wizard Fatass is gonna manipulate him, like he did you!"

The blond shook his head. "I-I don't think so Stan. No no no no no!"

The second guy, Stan laughed and ran towards him, brandishing his sword.

" It's on Butters!" he hollered. Stan swung his sword over his head, and Butters blocked it with his hammer. He swung in retaliation, hitting Stan's chiseled face. He staggered back, spitting a bit of blood.

'Damn. That was sweet,' I giggled. Once I knew my thoughts, I frowned at myself.

That wasn't really nice.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I shouted. The two boys looked up from their grappling on the floor. Their eyebrows rose in shock, but they soon got over to ask who I was.

"I'm Cay. I just moved in."

They nodded and properly introduced themselves before going back to the fight. Stan was repeatedly punching Butters in the face before I pulled him off. Which was difficult and awkward when he landed right on top of me with his face inches away from mine

"Ouch, the fu- Oh God, I'm so sorry!" he stammered. His face became red, like a cherry candy, in that fake, artificial way.

He didn't do anything to move though, just sat on my legs staring. I didn't know why he was so focused on my eyes, of all things. It was embarrassing.

"Uhh, do you mind? Something in your pocket is poking my knee," I told him. His eyes, which were a nice greyish color, widened, and he ran away, hand over his face.

" W-well then, thanks New Kid! I didn't realize he had a health potion. Do you want to meet my King?" Butters asked me.

What the hell was his King? Are they LARP-ing? Is that why they're dressed in a strange way? Not that I'm one to talk.

"Sure, why not? Wait…"

"Let's go! T-this way!"

It turns out that Butters was my neighbor, and that this "Wizard King" Lived about two houses down. The large green house, for some reason, made me irritated. I'm not even sure why.

As Butters knocked on the door, a… large boned guy our age opened up. He wore a poorly sown wizards hat with a smiley face on it. A red bathrobe was draped on his shoulders, tucked slightly under his double chin.

" All hail the Grand Wizard!" Butters exclaimed.

" So, you are the New Kid. Your coming was foretold, by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King, Cartman."

I was surprised by the way he spoke. Was this yet another part of the game?

" Uhh-"

"But the time for talk is not nigh," he interrupted. "Let me show you my kingdom."

Well then.

He led me through the living room, ignoring his mother's question of who I was.

"Who's your new little friend, Eric?" she asked.

"Shut up mom, not now."

"Dude, what the fuck? Mrs. Cartman, I'm sorry. My name is-"

"Don't talk to her, she's not part of the game," he said. His voice became lower in… anger? So I decided to hold my tongue.

'Damn rude bastard.'

His backyard was decorated with a cardboard castle, looking flimsy and pretty lame. A booth with a "Weapons Store" sign was set-up to my right. A guy was polishing a wooden sword with a napkin in front.

To the left I saw another boy, playing with a cat in a closed off pen. The board tacked onto the fencing read "Stables"

A girl wearing and orange parka stood near the hole in the cardboard castle, twirling her hair. She wore a filthy princess dress that was really _way_ to small for her. It seemed really tight and uncomfortable.

Cartman walked down the path, introducing the others, and pointing out the booths and attractions.

"Welcome! To the Kingdom of Kupa Keep."

" I don't even wanna know."

Cartman, in a Cartman-ly fashion that I already know him for, ignored me.

" You have been sought out, New Kid, because humans everywhere, are in great danger," Cartman said. " I need your help, and in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom. You must be very excited, but first. Please write thy name on this sheet of paper.

He handed me a torn up piece of paper, and a chewed on pencil. Avoiding the chewed up parts as best I could, I wrote my name down on the next empty line.

Cartman squinted at my handwriting, flipping the page upside-down before shaking his head and saying, "I can't read your gay ass handwriting, so I assume you wrote down, 'Dipshit', is that right?

"What the hell? NO! It clearly says-"

"Very well then, Dipshit. Choose a class: Fighter, Mage, Theif, or Jew."

I ground my teeth as Butters presented me with four costumes. My eyes scanned them all, before picking up a loose fitting blue jacket with a red headband.

" A fighter has courage, honor, and the ability to kick fucking ass."

I shrugged my shoulders. In a lot of the MMOs I was usually a thief or a mage. Why not be the frontal fighter for once?

" I'm choosing fighter."

Cartman nodded. "Very well then. We welcome to the kingdom, Dipshit the Fighter!" he spoke, once again, getting on my nerves.

" Hooray!" Butters cheered.

"Now, head to the weapons shop; procure yourself a weapon, and I shall teach ye to fight."

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><p><strong>I wonder wh<strong>**at weapon I should give her... Leave a suggestion for me? K thanks, bye.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Oh hey. A new chapter, because I have absolutely no life :D**

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><p>' That goddamn asshole. My name is fucking Cay Jabber! Not Dipshit. Fuckin' asshole.'<p>

I stomped over to Clyde, who jumped in fright as I pounded my first onto the table.

" Got a sword?" I asked angrily.

He nodded his head, going behind the stall to rummage. He then spoke in his nasally voice.

" Here you go, weary traveler. Would you like to hear tips and rumors for two dollars?"

At the moment, I was too pissed of at Cartman being a fucking bitch. I shook my head, ready to head back to Wizard Fat Ass, when he sauntered over like he owned the place. Which is completely true, but… Fuck him anyways.

"Ah, you have chosen a weapon. Nice. Now it is time to teach you to fight," Cartman said.

"I'm a fucking black belt, I know how to fight Fatass."

" GODDAMIT I'M BIG-BONED!"

I could feel myself rolling my eyes. Tell that to your second chin.

" Now then Dipshit, I want you to take your weapon, and with the bravery of a noble knight- beat up Clyde."

" What'd I do?" Clyde shrieked.

" Absolutely nothing. Fatass on the other hand deserves to be beaten up."

" I'm the King Clyde!" Cartman said. "And the King wishes to be amused. Go ahead New Kid. Kick his ass because Kings can't be beaten up."

I muttered obscenities under my breath, directed mostly at the obese, and stepped into the training grounds after Clyde. I pulled out my new wooden long sword, testing it in my right hand. It felt a bit light, but I suppose that's better than being too heavy.

" I'm gonna kick your ass!" Clyde challenged. I rushed towards him, but he assumed a defensive position right before I swung. My blade bounced off his before I twirled the opposite way to hit his shoulder.

" Oh shit! That was pretty good!" Cartman told Butters. He nodded in agreement, but whispered something along the lines of " It wasn't very nice…"

I turned my attention back onto Clyde, who tried to block in all the wrong places. I thrust the point of my sword into his dominant arm, and smashed the flat of my blade into his stomach.

" Oh yeah! Clyde's your bitch!"

' That's so wrong on so many levels.'

"Fuck this, I'm not getting beaten by a New Kid!" Clyde shouted. He ran and swung for my head, and I barely managed to block. His attacks were hard and heavy. I knew that my strength would last against his for too long if I stayed defensive.

" Alright, Clyde's wearing armor. In order to hurt him, I want you to hit him as hard as you can. Don't be shy now."

I didn't want to listen, but he was definitely right. Clyde was heavily armored, and my previous attacks didn't do much.I used my free hand to punch his face, causing him to fall back slightly. The distraction paid off when I was able to swing right onto his nose and cheek. He cringed in pain as blood leaked from his nose like a faucet.

" Shit!" cursed Clyde.

" Dude! I think I see blood. Fucking nice brah, that's exactly what you do to guys with armor like that!" Cartman cried.

Clyde got to his feet, but not without a struggle. His left eye was discolored, and he had a little dribble of blood leaking from his mouth.

"Prepare yourself!" shouted Clyde, once again charging at me, full force. He swung his blade as hard as he could at my face, but his movements were slow and easy to read. I blocked it easily, before kicking his feet from under him. He landed right on his bum and groaned.

" YES! That's what to do! Oh man, you're already way better than Clyde. All right, now it's time to use your warrior's ability. Finish him!"

" No offense, but I'm just not a very good loser," I said. Clyde staggered towards me, swinging his sword wildly. I took a baseball and threw it up into the air, hitting it with my sword. It flew right into the sensitive area of all guys. He let out a girly squeal of pain before losing all his energy and falling to the ground.

I rushed to help him to his feet, and Butters was right behind. Clyde and I each gave our hardest glare at Cartman, who was busy laughing his head off as we treated Clyde's wounds.

"DUDE! That was awesome! You were all like, Braamraagh, and Clyde was all, AHH NOO! AHAHAHA!"

"It wasn't that funny, jerk," I sneered. I tried to help Clyde to his feet, but he was heavy on his feet, so I fell right on top of him.

"Oh shit! I'm so sorry!" I cried, feeling a sense of Déjà vu.

And lo and behold, more déjà vu. Clyde just stared at my face intensely, his hands gripping my upper arms.

I felt my face flush from the close proximity. Cartman started laughing even more.

" Oh man, Dipshit is a fag? Who would've guessed?" he cackled.

I felt a rush of angry as I threw myself off of Clyde, who also seemed to have gotten out of his stupor. I helped him up, and he said something under his breath that I couldn't make out.

" Okay, okay," Cartman, sighed, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. " You've proven yourself worthy Dipshit. Now come inside the castle and I shall let you… see the relic."

I followed him into the cardboard cut-out, curious to see the fabled treasure.

"Well, here it is. The reason human and elf are willing to die. The Stick of Lies."

I turned my head to the direction he was pointing to see a charred, black stick on top of a sating blue pillow.

"It's a stick. A burned stick," I deadpanned. I was more than irritated. Words cannot even begin to describe…

" Cool, isn't it? Just two days ago, we took the stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives," he told me. "For whomever controls the stick… Controls the universe."

' Dear God. Why?' I thought with a groan.

Cartman and I turned around to the sound of Butters screaming, " ALARM, ALARM!"

"What is it?"

"The elves are attacking."

"Oh my god! Defensive positions!" Cartman ordered. The three ran out of the tent, to see the two other humans preparing to fight, equipping themselves accordingly.

"Man the gates! Don't let them through!" Cartman screamed.

A prodigious amount of elves were waiting outside the entrance of the kingdom. The one at the front, who looked like the leader, was screaming the loudest for the stick.

" Give us back the stick, human scum!"

Cartman snorted. "Fuck you, drow elf. Come and get it!"

He turned to us companions. " Clyde, guard the stick, don't let them take it!"

" Aye, aye!"

Cartman looked at the retreating figure in horror. " Aye, aye? What the fuck Clyde? We're not pirates! Anyways, Dipshit! This is the chance to really prove your self as a loyal subject. STOP THOSE ASSFUCK ELVES AT ALL COSTS!"

With no time to bash in his face for giving me a command, I heard Butters cry over to my left. I whipped my head around to see him being beaten up by two berserkers. I snuck up on one of them, swiping the back of his head with the flat of my sword. He was knocked out cold as I headed for the second one. He was ready to block my attacks, and swung his sledgehammer in retaliation. I ducked under his clumsy attack, and hit his forehead with the butt of my handle. He screamed in agony and ran away.

" Nice one, Dipshit!" Cartman called out. I glared at him for doing absolutely nothing at all.

I heard another cry for help, from Scott. He was already defeated, but there was one guy laughing, kicking him when he was down. The damn bastard made me see red.

I ran for momentum, and twirled around as I jumped, round housing that guy right in the face. He screeched in pain, falling flat on his face. I looked at him, all helpless and crying. I kicked the shit out of him until he coughed blood. And then I whacked him with my sword for good measure.

"Oh SHIT! Dipshit is out for blood!"

I took the fallen elf's hammer, and threw it at Cartman's face. I smirked in victory when he cried out in pain, looking for the perpetrator.

" Elves! Fall back! Fall back I say!" the leader called. Each fallen elf crawled away, not able to properly stand.

" Hahahaha take that you asshole elves. Bask in your failure! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah, we still control the universe! HAHAHAHA!"

Clyde came out from the war tent, disconsolate and nervous.

" They took it."

Cartman froze in place, his face still plastered in a smile. He turned around, and I felt shivers go down my spine. He looked like a fucked up clown in a horror movie.

"… What?"

"The elves," Clyde said. "They took the stick."

The Grand Wizard's expression instantly changed to unbearably angry.

"THAT WAS YOUR ONE FUCKING JOB CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING LIES! WHAT THE FUCK, YOU FAG? WHY CAN'T YOU EVEN-"

After his yelling fest, I felt bad for Clyde. It looked like he had shrunk down while Cartman scolded him like a child.

" Clyde, for your absolute FAILURE, you are being demoted. You are nothing more than a shopkeeper, " he snapped.

"What?!" Clyde said in his nasally voice. "You can't do that!"

"I'm the King Clyde. And the King says you're demoted!" Cartman argued. Clyde backed down and seethed internally.

"You fought bravely, Dipshit," Cartman said, turning to me. I've decided to give up correcting him on my name. I suppose the bird I gave him was enough.

He ignored me, as usual, but I could see the red in his face. I gave myself a thoughtful pat on the back, and a triumphant smile.

"Yeah!" Scott agreed. "The New Kid may be a Dipshit, but he sure can fight!"

"I've noticed that you guys like to call me something that I'm not. And that you're a butthole."

"Shut up Scott, Dipshit. No one cares what you think," Cartman replied. " Anyways, we have a bigger problem now. The Stick of Lies has been stolen, and we must assemble our entire army to get it back."

" But my lord!" Butters said. " Our three best warriors still haven't reported for duty!"

Cartman waved his hand. "Our new recruit can take care of that."

"Excuse me?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"I want you to go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors; Token, Tweek, and Craig. I am texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now."

" Why should I have to-" I was interrupted when my phone vibrated, and I pulled it out to see three pictures, the other three Cartman was telling me about.

' Since when did he get my cell number?'

I looked up to see Butters trying to get his phone back from Wizard Fatass, who held it above his head.

I sighed loudly.

" Beware!" Cartman started. " For the lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monstrous betrayers, and surprisingly scary sixth graders."

" We're older."

Cartman shrugged. "So? They'll beat the shit out of you anyways," he said, shivering. I sensed a backstory, but didn't pry. Who would?

" Now go! Send my warriors here, and make sure you are well equipped."

I slumped over where I stood.

" I don't even know where to start!"

Cartman sighed, like this was so exasperating. He didn't know the half of it.

"FINE. Butters, go with Dipshit so he doesn't fuck up."

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><p><strong>Like last time, review to tell me what I'm fucking up ^^<strong>

** Because I don't know shit about South Park, and I only just started the game. Bleeehhh**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey there, it's been a little bit. Sorry about that. Highschool. What to do~**

**Anyways, I was going to update on tomorrow, but now I'm not so sure. I have a surgery to go though for my ankle, to get a rod taken out, and a few pins from my dominant wrist, so I might not be able to type for a while. I have a couple already witten, but, we'll see how this goes. Other than that stupid rant, please enjoy~**

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><p>"Where do we even start?" I asked Butters. We had been walking around town, searching for any of the three.<p>

"W-why don't we start with Tweek? He's a nice fella. His parents own a coffee shop n-not far from here," he replied with a smile.

We walked towards the east side of town, but we made s top at Butter's house. He said he wanted to get something. I waited outside.

"Dumb fatass. Can't even go get his own warriors." I grumbled. I started pacing around in circles, as Butters was being a stereotypical girl, and taking forever. So immersed in my walking around in circles, I ran into a red headed kid with an afro. He fell back onto his bum.

"Ah, shit. Sorry about that," I said pulling him up, He pushed his crooked glasses up and gave me a smile, full of crooked teeth. It gave him character.

"No problem. Have you seen Paladin Butters, of the Knights of Kindheartedness? Oh, I'm Dougie, by the way," he asked.

"I'm Cay. You're playing this stupid game too?"

He shook his head. " The Wizard King said I'm too ginger to be one of the humans," he said. " But Paladin Butters lets me be his squire on the sly."

My eyebrows scrunched together. So, Eric was not only an inconsiderate Fatass, he was racist too? Hating people for their beliefs and haircolors? Please, someone give me a gun to shoot myself with.

"Son of a bitch," I yelled, in the direction of Cartman's house. Nothing came flying towards me overhead, so I'll assume he didn't hear me.

Dougie left after he gained the info he wanted, and told me to tell Butters that he would be waiting in "The Lair". I didn't care enough to ask what that was.

Butters finally came rushing out of the doorway, beaming at me. He now carried a ballpoint hammer, and a shield that matched his armor.

He started leading me to the direction of this fabled coffee shop. The atmosphere between the two of us was… uncomfortable, to say the least. Wanting to break the tension, I asked some questions.

" Soo, that squire of yours? He seems pretty nice, even though Cartman won't allow him on his team."

Butters gave me that innocent smile of his. "Paladins seek justice for all races!"

"He wanted me to tell you to 'Meet him at The Lair'. Whatever that meant."

Butters looked a bit skeptical at first, meaning that "The Lair" was probably something I shouldn't even know about. I shrugged and kept walking.

We reached a quaint little coffee shop, right next to the storage areas. A sign hung near the roof reading " Tweek Bros. Coffee"

The inside looked a lot like Starbucks, but with fewer workers. A husband and wife duo stood behind the counter, tending to customers and sweeping. I saw no evidence of a son.

"Welcome to Tweek Coffee," Mr. Tweak said. "Coffee, made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers. It's local coffee, brewed locally."

"Happen to know someone by the name of Tweek? We kinda need his help."

"Oh, my son? Of course," he replied in that, commercial seller voice. "Tweek? Tweeek!"

"Ahhh!" I heard, coming from behind the supply door room.

"Have you picked up the local ingredients yet?" Mr. Tweak called.

That same high pitched voice called out in reply, "Not yet, Dad! I'm still trying to do all my chores!"

"Well, hurry up son! The family business is relying on you!"

"Gahh!"

I turned to Butters with a sympathetic look. "Let's go see what we can help him with. That way, he'll get to Fatass faster, and I won't be the one dealing with his smack."

" O-okay then!"

The both of us entered the supply closet, where we saw Tweak with his shockingly fake-y looking blond hair. Faker than Butters, and that was close to impossible!

" Well, hiya there Tweek!" Butters welcomed, handing him a piece of paper. He yanked it out of Butters hand, but in a more, "I'm-really-high-and-my-sense-of-feeling-is-lost"

Tweek read at a fast pace, holding the paper in one hand, his other darting around to grab and pull whatever it could, be it his hair, or incorrectly buttoned shirt.

"Aghhhhg! Now? The guys need me now?!" he squealed. " Oh, there's no way man! I have WAY too much to do!"

He turned to me, grabbing my jacket by the neck. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS ALONE?!"

I grabbed his thin wrists gently, untangling his fingers from my favorite black jacket.

"Who said you're alone? What can we do to help?" I asked, lowering my voice to something much more peaceful than it ever should be. His eyes were darting around and he shifted uncontrollably, it felt as if I did anything more, he'd break on me.

" Oh you'll help? Great, thanks man! Could you go get the 4 o'clock delivery for me? It's at Kenny's house! Like always! You g-give them this," he said, handing me a brown envelope from his pocket, "And they'll give you the delivery!" he finished.

"That's it?"

" Yeah, get that for me, a-an I can finish here, and then I'll have time to help!" he stuttered.

It took awhile, because even Butters wasn't too sure about where Princess Kenny lived, but we got there, just as we saw a dirty looking red haired lady walk into a shamble of a house.

We knocked, and that same lady answered the door. I handed her the envelope.

She looked at it vaguely before handing it back. "Oh, this isn't for me. This is for the nice people renting the guest house, out in the back."

She rummaged her pocket before handing me the garage key. We opened the garage.

" Is Kenny poor?"

"Yeah, but he seems fine with it, that fella," Butters explained. I couldn't help but notice the blush that stained his features after that comment.

The two of us entered a room that looked like it was straight out of Breaking Bad. It looked like a poor Meth Lab; broken vials, containers of strange liquids, a butane torch(for whatever reason), bunsen burners, this place had it all.

All I could feel was foreboding as I looked at the three people smoking in the middle of the room. Bindles and all, they were definitely homeless. Well, except they weren't now. They used to be.

" Excuse me fellas. Are you the ones with the package?" Butters asked, handing one of them the envelope.

" Yeah, yeah, we got the package for Tweek's Coffee," he croaked, taking the envelope.

One of the three smokers realized that we weren't the usual people who picked up the packages. He told his discoveries to his fellow druggies.

" Oh shit! It's a cop!" the first guy yelled. I had to chuckle. He said "Cop" funny.

_(High level of maturity there.)_

'What the fuck? Who was that?' I thought, looking all around.

(No one of importance, just possibly the person controlling this universe. Also, you might wanna duck.)

For some reason, I listen to the strange voice. I was damn right to do so. The man who held a crowbar swung for my head, and I could feel the wind on my forehead. I grew angry at these people

"The actual FUCK do you think you are?" I screamed, pulling out my sword. I sprinted towards his retreating figure, jumping and trying to land a kick on his back, but I missed because he tripped. I landed on the back of his knees.

I felt his feet ricochet up to my calves, kicking me. It stung quite a bit, with him doing this on purpose, and the force from me stepping on a trigger area.

" OW. Bitch!" I sliced him in the back for good measure. He groaned as I stomped off of him.

"Ahhh!" Butters screamed. I whipped my head around to see him being ganged up on by the other two. I rushed to help.

I smacked to butt of the handle onto the woman's face, who squeaked and fell over for a brief period of time, no doubt mourning for lost teeth. Butters came down on the last man's kneecap with his hammer for a sickening _crunch._

" Haha, nice," I said, nudging Butters with my elbow.

" I-I was just seeing if it worked!" he cried.

I smiled at him. "You should use it more often,"

The three neighbors of Kenny all lay groaning in pain. I found the little brown paper bag, which I assumed to be the package, and the two of us left.

Butters told me that after we dropped that package back to Tweek, we should go visit Token at Dark Meadows.

" So, he's rich?"

Butters nodded, his eyes darting around to look for something. His eyes landed on a normal looking snowman, but his hands grabbed for his tucked hammer.

My eyes narrowed in suspicion, looking at Butter's nervous face.

"AAAGGGHH!" a scream pulled me from my previous thoughts. It startled me greatly, making me fall right on my ass.

"SHIT! MOTHERFUCKER!" I screeched in pain for my tailbone. I swear to god I felt a tingle go all the way up my friggin' butt muscles. Who makes that happen?

Apparently, I do.

" End of the line, fuckers!" one boy yelled. He wore fake elf ears, a green tunic, and a cap, like from LoZ. I squinted at the perpetrator.

' Oh, bitch. You have no idea about the revenge I have planned. Courtesy of mah butt,' I chuckled. I rose and ran towards the four elves, raising my sword.

* * *

><p><strong>Ew. That was short. Sorry, but my wrist is starting to get sore, from school and this. I hope it's acceptable. If not, well, I'm outta luck.<strong>

** See ya next time~**


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